Ontologically Impaired (Dead)

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My roommate and I were sitting at dinner recently when I leaned over and, nodding forward, I stated, “Wow, look at that table. Can you imagine sitting with that group?”

“I would die,” were her exact words. For a few seconds more we considered the reasons we did not want to sit with the group sitting at that table, before my roommate exclaimed that we needed to stop. I immediately agreed. Gossip is a very dangerous weapon.

While I believe gossip is always a risky game, Christians especially need to keep a tight reign on our tongues (and thoughts!). Ephesians 4:29 says “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

One of the concepts I have learned from my studies of communication is that, just as reality forms how we communicate, how we communicate forms reality. This is seen concretely in considering the following scenario: on the first day of class, I get a slightly negative vibe from my teacher. As the semester continues, I mention this to my classmates, most of whom–in some shape or form–are willing to reciprocate my negative viewpoint. Having further cemented by original perspective, I continue through the class with this perspective, finding more and more that I dislike. As discussed in my previous post “You’ll See What You Want to See” perception works in such a way that, if not countered, we’ll see what we expect to see. Hence, the worse I speak about a class, the more negatively I’ll think about it, the more I’ll see the bad end of everything related. Talking negatively about the class will help to create a reality of negativity about the class.

As stated in my Cross-Cultural Psychology textbook,* “…not only do our beliefs, values, and perceptions affect our use of language, but our use of language affects our beliefs, values, and perceptions (p.52).” Take the title of this post for example (which I drew from this textbook). “Ontologically impaired” and “dead” mean the same thing, but speaking of them with different words changes the way they affect our emotions. Similarly, the way we speak of people changes our perceptions of them.

On the flip side, being positive (even if it’s forced) will help to create a positive reality. Consider Amy Cuddy’s research on how (non-verbally) communicating confidence actually makes a person more confident. Communicating confidence actually raised confidence-boosting hormones! Communication really makes reality.

Therefore, even if the gossip never even goes farther than your lips, gossip is never innocent. Even so much as thinking the negative thoughts can make them a reality, if you allow the thoughts to incubate. For others’ sake, as well as for your own, stop yourself from speaking and thinking negatively about others. Aim to make a more positive reality. Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Have you ever experienced how thinking or speaking negatively or thinking or speaking positively actually affected the situation for the worse or for the better? If not, give positive thinking a conscious, sincere effort and see if you can tell a difference. Let me know how things go!

*Shiraev, E. B., Levy, D. A. (2013). Cross-cultural psychology: Critical thinking and contemporary applications (5th ed.). New York, NY: Pearson Education, Inc.


8 thoughts on “Ontologically Impaired (Dead)

  1. […] things, but more often, a good apology is only the very first step on a long road. Extend grace, don’t speak poorly of the person behind their back, and give it time. Unfortunately, knowing how to offer an apology is something […]


  2. […] differentiates venting from complaining and/or gossiping? And, as we’ve already discussed, communication creates reality. If I start speaking negatively about my job, it’s going to spiral, and work is going to get […]


  3. […] say. To those who call themselves Christians: our goal is to build others up, not tear them down. Speak positively. And be aware. Now, go out and find some emotive […]


  4. […] possesses at least some aspect of who God is. I believe those who call themselves Christians should not gossip, should not tear others down, and should, in fact, do quite the opposite. The Christians who I […]


  5. […] first. After all, how can such depressing news lead to anything but dread of the future?! But see, perspective is […]


  6. […] You ever see those advertisements for dream vacations and think that’s looks pretty swell? Backpacking has once again impressed the truth that life isn’t about seeking out the coolest places, but about seeking out the coolness in wherever you happen to be. Sure, a picture of a crystal-clear ocean looks attractive. But honestly, a picture of a group of friends hammocking in the middle of the most average woods can have the same appeal if shot from the right angle and with the right lighting. You don’t have to travel far or pay much to have the best times in life: you just have to learn to see from the right angle. […]


  7. […] know that. Even “venting” requires treading softly. What about perspective? What about faking it till you make it? What about looking for the […]


  8. […] want your life to be purposeful, joyful, and a blessing to others, then that has to start today. Attitude makes as big of a difference as […]


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