Most of the times I cry myself to sleep, the tears were triggered by my fear of the future. I remember one night where I just wanted to fall asleep, to no longer be conscious of my pain. But I was crying so hard I couldn’t lay down and breathe at the same time. Ask me what I’m afraid of, and fear of the future always the first thing that comes to mind.
Everyone has questions about life and about the future. Why is this happening? Where do I go from here? What next?
These questions haunt me and I am often ashamed of this fact. If I were truly trusting God, wouldn’t I not be asking these? However, I’m come to the conclusion that these questions, in themselves, are not the problem. It’s not bad to ask “why?” or “what next?” That’s natural. But we need to be aware that these will not always be answered. The problem, then, appears when we are not content without knowing the answers to life’s questions.
It is my goal to see life as an adventure; specifically an adventure novel. As you read an adventure novel, you don’t know what is coming and you only see the characters struggling. You don’t have answers. And yet, these are such a joy to read (or watch, for those of you who prefer adventure movies).
Right now in my life, I may only see my struggles, I may have no idea what’s coming in the future. But if I can read it in a book or watch a film and enjoy it there, wouldn’t living it out only be so much better? An adventure novel is fun because you know that, somehow, in the end, things will be okay–in fact, better than okay! For those of us who are saved, we already know the ending is bright, even if we have no idea how we’re going to get there. So instead of just worrying about what’s coming, we should appreciate the adventure we’re living right now.
“No telling where we’re gonna land
Isn’t that just part of our romance?”
What would adventure be without the unknown, without the hurdles one has to cross? We may think we’d like life without the struggles, but I have a feeling that would be somewhat of a boring read.
“On and on and on we’ll go
And to our lives through the unknown
On and on and on we’ll fly
Write the legend of our lives…
For every day and every night
The greatest stories ever told
Were written with a heart that’s
I believe that trust doesn’t require not asking these questions. But I believe the best way to ask these questions is with the attitude that, we may not get the answers. And we need to be okay with that. Because, in the end, life will work out for God’s glory. And the unknown may be just part of the romance–the mystery, the adventure.
When we ask the questions about life, realizing that the answers may remain unknown and being okay with that, we can focus on living the way we want to live in the present, regardless of what the future holds. We don’t have to cry ourselves to bed at night, but can instead live the adventure of the moment in a way that brings glory to God.
“When I’m stuck out in the cold
Let me be warm-hearted
When it weighs too much to hold
Let me be light-hearted
When all I have is not enough
Won’t be broken-hearted
Cuz you taught me how to love, to live to learn
To love, to live whole hearted”
We can ask life’s questions. It’s natural. But when we ask, we need to, in humility, understand that sometimes the answers aren’t for us to know. And, when this is the case, I believe it’s up to us to change our perspective, and look at life like an adventure–with a touch of mystery, to live in the present in a way that would make a good story line, to react to each circumstance as a hero would in a novel, even if in the present it doesn’t feel heroic.
To be honest, I’m convinced that if we take this approach–living each chapter as it comes, doing the right, heroic thing in the midst of struggles, we won’t have to worry about the future. Heroes don’t need to know the future to be able to act now. And that’s all we’re called to.
With this perspective, I believe that, in the midst of doubts and questions, we can remain living wholehearted.