Moving is an incredibly humbling experience.
No, I’ve never had my life completely together. I doubt anyone ever has. But I had a pattern. I knew how to do what I was doing and–not gonna lie–being a senior at school does give one a sense of accomplishment and seniority.
Then–all of a sudden–I got dumped into a random place, where I’m basically the newest, the youngest, and come in not knowing a single person. Sometimes I feel like I can’t even talk because I’ll mispronounce the names of the cities nearby…when I even have an idea of what cities are nearby.
I like to think I’m delightful, approachable, and 24-karat quality when it comes to friend material. I have great relationships with people from home; it was a two-way street. I knew my friends at home and I knew how to show love to them. I could make friends who were specifically interested in being my friend.
But here I am, falling into a place where I need to make friends because I can’t healthily adjust on my own. But the people here didn’t ask for another person. They didn’t ask to entertain someone new. They didn’t ask to be subjected to my verbal onslaughts when I think what I have to say is very important or entertaining.
The folks at Camp Timber-lee have been outrageously friendly with me. It’s really a blessing because I need it. But it’s drastically humbling at the same time, as I have to accept their sacrifice without knowing what it’s costing them.
Maybe they were content with the friends they had. Maybe showing me the ropes and conversing through my awkward uncertainties isn’t their dream down-time. Maybe I just plain rub them the wrong way. I feel like I’m taking so much with having so little to offer in return.
But the fact is that–just as giving is sometimes healthy–accepting is also sometimes healthy. And right now, I need to accept what the friendship people here are offering. I don’t have to feel guilty. Though if I can’t help but feel guilty, I don’t need to feel guilty about feeling guilty. Humility isn’t about having a steel grip on my emotions. In this case, it’s about accepting what’s being generously offered.
What do you need to accept?