This is a phenomenal post (!!): harnessing the power of emotive language

Image result for emojisI would describe one of my high school teachers as lax, wishy-washy, careless, and too lenient. He comes to mind when I’m asked which teachers I’ve had a hard time respecting. Yet, other high schoolers adopted him as their favorite teacher, finding him accepting, open-minded, flexible, and easy going.

Though we are talking about the same man, our word choices (all of which do describe him) leave completely different impressions. This shows how much impact emotive language (language that naturally feeds a specific emotional response) can have. Even when we believe we are simply “stating the facts,” we can be doing so much more than that, declaring to the world exactly what we think of something. And–you know it–communication forms reality.

Image result for teacherBecause of this, using emotive language can cause some problems. For example, because of self-fulfilling prophecies, stereotypes, and our tendency to cling to first impressions, I can do someone’s reputation a whole lot of harm if I advertise them in a negative manner. If I told a student going into a specific teacher’s class that the prof was distractible, yielding, emotional, high-strung, and arrogant, and that his expectations were severe and demanding, that student would certainly join his class with set caution. As the semester began, she would probably notice things the way I described them (at least to some extent–self-fulfilling prophecy) and be more willing to describe them in such a way to the next student. Doing this isn’t fair to neither the teacher nor the student, really.

Emotive language also applies beyond describing teachers or classes; it can effect the way we view other people, situations, and goals.

Therefore, it is wise to learn to recognize emotive language. When others are using such language, realize that their opinion is subjective. They obviously have their own viewpoint, but that doesn’t mean you will end up seeing things the way they do. Image result for smileSimilarly, after recognizing emotive language, try not to use it as much yourself. It is fairer to others if you allow them to make their own decisions.

Be careful about what you’re saying and what you’re hearing other people say. To those who call themselves Christians: our goal is to build others up, not tear them down. Speak positively. And be aware. Now, go out and find some emotive language!

Leave a comment! I want to hear your perspective 😉

 

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Venting 101

felix-russell-saw-113844.jpgIt’s time for another immediately-applicable highly-concrete post. We’re still in that season of summer jobs and I have a feeling I’m not the only one who finds myself venting about work. But, what differentiates venting from complaining and/or gossiping? And, as we’ve already discussed, communication creates reality. If I start speaking negatively about my job, it’s going to spiral, and work is going to get worse. So how do I balance these risks with a need to relate my struggles and frustrations to someone who cares (*thanks Mom!)?

Rule #1: One of the most significant rules is vent to the right person

Ideally, it is best to vent to a person who is fairly removed from the situation. If you are venting about work, this person probably should not be a co-worker. If you’re venting about a relationship, this person probably should not be a mutual friend. Doing this is a set up for disaster. This is because venting to an immediately-involved person is likely to make that other person think worse of the situation as well and that is not fair to this person nor the person or situation you are venting about. Venting to a co-worker is likely to make us both more upset with our jobs. Venting about a mutual friend can easily turn into gossip and will make the relationships worse all around. At school if I have struggles, I vent to my mom who is at home and won’t get emotionally involved in the situation or get upset with the people I’m talking about.

Another factor to keep in mind is that you want to vent to someone who will downplay, aaron-burden-90144.jpginstead of create, drama–someone who listens more than he/she talks. Don’t vent to someone whose response will be something like, “Oh geez, that’s horrible. You’re right. Your boss or friend should never do that to you! I would definitely throw a fit if I were in your shoes.” We’re going for a release of negative emotions, not a shared pity party. The goal is to relieve pressure, not build it up! (FYI, a journal does a good job of listening and a pretty good job of not creating drama 😉 )

In case you’re having trouble thinking of someone who can fulfill these roles for you, let me suggest God. He’s not going to think any more negatively of the situation or person just because you vent about it. He’s great at listening and–added bonus!–he’s actually in control of the situation. If you’re asking with the right motives and it’s within his will, it’s likely he will actually change the situation in some way (even if it’s just by working in you)–which is more than a lot of friends or parents can do.

Rule #2: Be active, not passive

Sitting on your butt whining isn’t going to change anything. Use the time you spend venting as time you spend thinking. Is there any way you can change things for the better? Is there anything you can do to affect the situation? This might come in the form of not even changing the situation, but purely trying to change your attitude. Can you start viewing work as a service? Can you keep your focus on the eternal? Can you go out of your way to show love to your “enemy”? Can you work your hardest even when you really don’t care? Even if you use the experience just to get to know yourself better (what you can deal with and what you can’t), that is still a beneficial learning experience. Arguably this is the hardest rule. But if you aren’t seriously considering what you can do to make a difference, you’re really just whining about the situation.

sonja-langford-357Rule #3: Vent for the right amount of time

I’ve said it multiple times before, but it’s vital to keep in mind. Communication forms reality. The more time you spend complaining, the more you’re going to see that person, that situation, or that job as negative. So keep your venting short and sweet. Say what you need to say to get it off your chest. And then be done. Let the dead dog lie.

 

Rule #4: End on a good note

In the midst of the things that are bothering you, there has to be something positive. I find myself regularly fed up with specific things at work and am quite willing to vent lesly-b-juarez-220845.jpgabout them. But do I ever talk about the perks of my job? Do I ever mention the positives? You still became friends with that person for a reason and you still chose that job for a reason. When you are wrapping up a good venting session, be sure to verbalize the positives. It takes a strong soul to remember the positives, but it is an important step.

Another really good source that I would recommend: Anger Management: The Five W’s of Healthy Venting